For years now, American parents have been marinating in a single, soothing cultural message: If you are gentler , more collaborative, less authoritative, your children will feel closer to you. We’ve been warned repeatedly that structure risks rupture , that firm rules damage attachment, and that saying “no” too decisively can fracture the bonds we try so desperately to preserve. Offering freedom and numerous choices , we’re promised, will bring us better relationships with our kids than