Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column . This week’s winner of the Declassified Nominative Determinism Award (which is definitely a real thing) is Crispin Blunt — a former U.K. Conservative member of parliament who has been charged with drug offenses . Previous winners of the award include Hennie de Haan, former head of the Dutch trade union of poultry farmers, Bulgarian hurdler Vania Stambolova, and urologists A. J. Splatt and D. Weedon, who wrote a medical research paper on