Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column. Who’s the greater danger to society — a drunken raccoon, the average user of an e-scooter in Brussels, or people who have to walk in front of the EU’s diplomatic service? That was a trick question. It’s all of the above! This week, a raccoon (let’s call him Rocky to honor our elders and betters) in the town of Ashland, Virginia fell through the ceiling of a liquor store , smashed some bottles, got very drunk and passed out on the bathroom floor.