How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, I’m a 50-year-old male who is currently divorcing my wife of almost 20 years. The marriage was emotionally abusive (to me) for at least the last 10 years or so with sex being used more as a method of control and manipulation than anything else. I now find myself single and excited to find and connect with someone sexually only to discover that I may be damaged goods.